Banned for not knowing that a caterpillar once was the bodily fluids of two butterflies on heat during a cool period where the weather took a funny turn due to taking the wrong medication which caused dizziness, headaches and genital warts, strangely enough, in non-nether region places that were a breeding ground for peculiar types of bacteria due to un-seasonal temperatures because the weather was having a bad day in a catch 22 situation created in part by horny butterflies with only one thing on their minds.... and other parts we shall not mention due to antiquated censorship laws that pre-date Moses and the 11 Commandments.

banned for making my head hurt

Banned for train wrecks.

Banned for joining the banning.

banned for not realizing my ban game veterancy

i just happen to take months long breaks now

Banned for months long breaks where you put your veterancy [in other areas as well] through its paces to see if you still have what it takes to be a multi-tasking hero down at the pub and the other places you frequent to deliberately expose your 'still young' veterancy [compared to mine, Methuselah's and Moses'] to an unsuspecting public with no idea what is about to confront them in locations where they'd least expect it.

Banned for lauding back doors.

banned for going around the front door to the middle door

Banned for going door to door trying to sell your body, only to end up having to pay somebody because there were no takers... regardless of how low you dropped the price and begged them to let you mow their lawns.

Banned by Carpet Munchers anonymous. 

Banned for carpet burns to your bum, elbows and knees [and dangly bits] after performing your initiation test for Carpet Munchers Anonymous while rolling around naked on the shagpile and taking X-rated selfies for posterity.... not to mention proof of your exploits, though I wouldn't be showing the grandkids.

Banned for all kinds of innuendo targeting the less fortunate few capable of seeing the fur flying after washing it down with tankards of bubbly. 

Banned for getting on the slops and drinking copious amounts of bubbly from over-sized tankards while assuming innuendos were aimed at the less fortunate, when in fact they were aimed at over-weight bankers, politicians and big business execs who think their poo don't stink and the money is all theirs.

banned for aiming at those above the law

Banned for being such a poor shot and missing those above the law and well below it