Banned for bouncing around like a rubber ball while I mock you and cause within you self-doubt about your place in the wider universe and beyond.

banned for thinking that i even have a place in this universe

Banned for underestimating the power of the universe on your place within it.

banned for trying to make me more powerful than i already am

Banned for claiming to be omnipotent when yer missus can beat you in an arm wrestle.

banned for not understanding that that is why i married her

Banned for yer missus having to do all the heavy lifting while you sit watching sport on TV and guzzling copious amounts of beer.

banned for being jealous of my domestic situation 

Banned for a wild and woolly assumption regarding a situation I have absolutely no interest in.... but if you have any disclosures about guzzling beer I'm all ears.

banned for wanting to guzzle instead of enjoy slowly over time

Banned for not contributing to my Xmas beer supplies.

banned for not demanding that your government care for your beer supply

Banned for turning up late for Xmas eve [time-wise you're behind us here in Oz].

banned for not realizing that i work for a small package delivery company and so i end up putting the needs and wants of others in front of my own

Banned for having a 'small' package.