Banned for incorrectly interpreting pig swill with swill brewed by amateurs and served up in half-filled glasses.

Banned for forgetting how old you are.  
(I can hear the real of your rocking chair from here.)

Banned for ear-sight so good that you can hear my neighbours bed springs squeaking during passionate moments and thinking that I even have a damned rocking chair when in actual fact I merely have a recliner chair that makes just one noise... a hugely loud, unmissable groan whenever I go to sit on it.

Banned for mixing Joe Biden-esque metaphorical gaffes and lying about having neighbors (cell mates don't count).

Banned for transposing your jail time into my unblemished record as a model citizen with friends in high places [some in low places, too].

banned for spreading it all around

Banned for it's my manure and I'll spead it around wherever I want.

banned for being so in manure

Banned cos man ure really skating on the thin ice of a new day and flipping the bird at the minstrels in the gallery is not recommended by the court jester who's as thick as a brick.

Banned for not tossing a coin to my witcher.

Banned for tossing bricks instead.

banned for trying to be a brick house

Banned for entering the brick sh!thouse under false pretences.

banned for spreading covid-19 fears so you can stay home longer

Banned for spreading peanut butter with your sticky fingers to get a better grip on tumbling dice at the casino.

Also banned cos I'm a stay-at-home bloke these days anyhow.