Banned for terrorising the meek and mild with absolutely the fiercest bugger-me-that's-bloody-hot-sauce on the entire planet, and who's the bright spark who put the Tabasco in Worcestershire when its residents were quite saucy enough already?

First^^^ . Good one. 

Banned for making me laugh so early in the AM. 

banned for being awake enough to laugh in the morning

Banned for this is a recording.

banned for recording such useless info

Banned with absolute authority for believing that obsolete junk was recorded to disc and where the fech are all my LPs?

banned for joining the new fad of using LPs 

Banned for where were you when LPs were first used, back in the day when music was not just good but great and the Strolling Bones didn't have as many wrinkles?

Banned for leaking sensitive info to the ryat.

Banned for leaking... yup, just leaking, and truly, where's a porta-potty at a time when ya really need one?

Banned for dragging my sacred vinyl into such a silly non-discussion!

banned for making vinyl so sacred that you wear it

Banned for ritualistic activities involving vinyl and round tables.

Banned for failing to put decimals in your tables (rounding).

banned for rounding out the tables