banned for lame southern jokes

Banned for where the Fech have you been for the last couple of days.... AWOL without seeking our consent n' all.

Banned for abstinence makes for an unhappy puppy.

Banned for my puppy is one happy chappy cos I luvs him.

banned for demanding an explanation of my whereabouts when I don't even tell my wife 

Banned for fibbing in winter time.

Banned for pork pies all year-round... and covering then with hot sauce.

banned for thinking that its hot year round

Banned for pretending to be a weather expert when it comes to hot sauce, snow in the desert and very sultry conditions down at the ladies tennis club when it's Raining Men.

Nope, you're not even a meterologist's discarded weather map cos it had more lows than highs over all rained out Higgledepiggeldy in downtown Hogsville.

banned for a prattling on ban

Banned for being too Scrooge-like with words and not posting more elongated, frivolous bans with far greater depth.

Banned for the incessant caterwalling, non-sensical diatribes, frivolous impersonations of no import, patting on back without harmony, diddle with a fiddle while you piddle, thinking that playing hopscotch means hurry up and get me some, thinking that delerium is a state of mind and...thats it.  

Banned for conning your keepers into unlocking your padded cell and taking your strait jacket off.

Also banned for associating me with a diatribe.  I'll have you know that my tribe is made up of hunters and gatherers and the odd gardener... and believe me, she is ODD!!!

Banned for odd botkins.

Banned for omitting the munchkins and tweedledums.... not to mention the phorskins.