Banned for pea soup and ham hocks.

Banned for banning for such delicious fare.

banned for wanting things to be fare

Banned for delectable insights.

banned for touching the heinie 

Banned because that klismaphillia problem of yours drove you way beyond just "touching" the Henie.

Banned for self improvement.   

banned by your inner self

Banned for patchy inner tubes.  

banned for sliding down the tubes with nothing but a cocktail in your hands

Banned for carrying tails to far.

banned for collapsing on the tail end of the monkey bars

Banned for monkeying around in a bar full of suds.

Banned for intoxicating primates before it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

banned for timing things by relativity