Banned for gastronomical incidents.

Banned for blaming the chef for getting gas after a gastronimical delight [pun intended]

And what's a gastronomist?

A chef who serves cordon bleu baked beans.   

Anyhow!

Well I'll stay banned, then.  I'm an Oxford Dictionary bloke through and through  Oh, and what's this Centre for Americanised Spelling......?  Shouldn't that be Center?

Also, banned for picking up a Websters Dictionary and thinking it's the English Language Bible.   

Banned for hitting on aunt Merriam and asking uncle Webster to watch.

Banned for sending me 'those' photos of aunt Merriam to get me interested in her to begin with.... and double banned for making uncle Webster take them in the first place.

Which reminds me of the time I met a politician I really, really didn't like at a polling station.  He was waffling on about what he was going to do if he won in the then upcoming election. 

Anyway, I butted in and asked if he had any photos of his wife in the nude.  He came back with a rather indignant no, to which I asked: "Wanna buy some?"

LMAO

Banned for making me laugh at a respectable hour.

banned for laughter of the highest order

Banned for mirth of the lowest order

Banned for mirth of the lowest order

Banned for double-posting a ban.

Banned for not taking up the next slot so my post could spill over into it and make a double entry.

Banned because any dike will spill over after being subjected to a double entry.

Banned only if there's enough holes to stick your fingers and toes in.

Banned for counting on yer fingers and kicking off yer shoes to count on yer toes.

banned for wanting all to toe the line with a tow rope

Banned for contradicting Mother Nature. She doesn't like straight lines, she thinks they're boring.